Everyone is born with basic God-given core needs. Physically, we need food, shelter, and clothing. These are obvious. But what may not be as obvious are our emotional and spiritual needs. God originally intended for us to have our core needs met in Him. He wants to give us:
We physically need His love. Even medical professionals agree that love is absolutely essential for our health:
“Lack of love, or an adverse emotional or social environment, can cause growth failure even in a child who is eating enough.”
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8680203
Because of His integrity, God would never force us to come to Him. And Adam and Eve chose the other tree, the tree of self-sufficiency, so all of us are pre-programmed to live from self-sufficiency. This is called living “in the flesh” or “according to the flesh.”(Romans 7-8) Flesh is all forms of self-sufficiency, self-reliance, self-effort, self-protection, and/or self-promotion in an attempt to earn our core needs, avoid pain (rejection), and achieve an identity and success.
So, what are our emotional and spiritual needs?
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To be loved (Who cares?)
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To be accepted (Who likes me?)
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To be valued (What do I have to offer?)
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To have an identity (Who am I?)
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To be secure (What if I get it wrong? Will I still be loved and accepted?)
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To be adequate (How will I succeed?)
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To be heard and understood (Who gets me?)
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To belong
Non-believers must live “in the flesh”, because they have no other source from which to live. They must try to earn their core needs through self-effort. Typically they try to meet their needs through others, achievements, and possessions.
Believers have a choice. We have two sources from which we could live. We could continue in our old habits of self-sufficiency, or we can agree with God that all of our needs are already met through and in Christ.
And lest you think that physical needs are excluded from God’s care and we still have to worry and strive for those needs to be met, let’s remember this verse:
In my post “The Two Trees part 2”, do you remember me saying, “There is a good-looking flesh and a bad-looking flesh, but both of them lead to failure.”? Our core needs will never be satisfied through our self-effort. Our needs are only satisfied in Christ. I would like to give you two hypothetical examples:
You were a happy little girl. You came from a good Christian family and had lots of friends. Your parents made a big deal about your grades and achievements. They wanted to motivate you to be the best you could be. They were just trying to be supportive, but you believed that your value comes from what you do. You start pushing yourself to achieve more and more. You are proud of your achievements and secretly pity the poor people around you who aren’t as talented as you are. You lose some friendships because of your superior attitude. When you lose friends, you assume that either your former friends were not worthy of your attention, or that you are not good enough. You start to have trouble keeping up with your high expectations of yourself. You feel like you’re not good enough and beat yourself up with shame. Then you redouble your efforts and try even harder to be the best. You grow up, get married, and have kids; and you are still trying to be the best at everything. If your kids are acting up, you get angry and embarrassed because your children are an expression of your achievement. You have to be the perfect mother and have the perfect family. Your husband is starting to distance himself from you, because he’s tired of your nagging and nit-picking. You struggle with bouts of shame and redoubled effort. It seems like a never-ending cycle. Eventually you will burn out.
This first example is about a girl receiving mostly positive messages from her environment. This is what we call “positively-programmed flesh”. It looks good, especially in the beginning, but, as you can see, it doesn’t last. It is like this verse:
The grass withers, and the flower falls off. ~1 Peter 1:24
What would change if this girl realized that her value comes from God, not from what she does? Would she have pushed herself to achieve more and more, or would she have lived a life of thankfulness for the abilities God has given her? Would she act superior and haughty, or would she find value in the people around her? Would she have lived in shame? What would her stress level be If she knew of God’s sufficiency?
Let’s see another example.
You grow up in a very dysfunctional home. Your father leaves when you are a baby. Your mother takes out her pain on you, saying things like, “I should have never become pregnant.” “It’s your fault that your father left.” “Why do you have to make my life so difficult.” You believe that you are unwanted and unloved. You seek to fill that void by finding sympathy from the troubled kids at school. They seem to be the only ones who understand. You start smoking and drinking. You try to find love through romantic relationships, but that only causes more emotional pain. You get pregnant, and end up having an abortion. Afterwards, you struggle with profound guilt and nightmares. You start doing drugs to numb the pain. One day, you are invited to a Bible study by an acquaintance and you learn about Jesus and get saved. But you still struggle with drug addiction, depression, and family problems. Can this “Christian thing” really help?
This example is about a girl who received negative messages from her environment. This is what we call “negatively-programmed flesh”. This girl would have unspeakable joy when she learns how much she is treasured by her heavenly Father. She could learn that God is her source of strength to forgive, and her source of forgiveness. She wouldn’t have to live in her past or be held down by her pain. She would have hope to live a life of love and compassion, comforting those with the same comfort she has received from her heavenly Father. Imagine how her life would change if this girl received the healing that only God can give!
Prayer: Oh, God! Help us to learn the truth. All of our needs are met in you!
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